Going into Borderlands, I knew very little. I knew it was based on a video game, but that was about it. I have never played the game or even seen the game. I knew it was directed by Eli Roth, who is usually associated with very gory horrors and was responsible for the torture porn Hostel films. I also knew that it had a solid cast. What I got was a mess. A film that desperately wants to be Guardians of the Galaxy but doesn’t have the wit, charm or characters you care for. A severely miscast film. A film that, in the end, doesn’t make you want to play the game, let alone look at the cover of the game.

Bounty hunter Lilith is hired by a company CEO to find his kidnapped daughter, Tiny Tina. Having to travel to her home planet, Pandora, Lilith soon discovers that the kidnapping by former soldier Roland was, in fact, freeing Tiny Tina from prison and allowing her to find a secret vault that no one can open unless they are the special child.

Watching this nonsense, you realise that there is nothing original coming out of Hollywood at the moment. This disaster is a mix of classic sci-fi movies thrown together in a plot that you care little for and full of characters who are either bland or just plain annoying. We get the obvious comparisons with Guardians of the Galaxy: a band of no-hopers out to find a missing artefact or gem. The whole cast of characters could be compared to the Marvel creation.

We then set the whole thing on a desert planet, al la Mad Max, and fill it with savages, huge people with masks like the savages in George Miller’s epic series. Along the way, we get flashes of other sci-fi films, including Star Wars, with a scene that feels wholly ripped off when a robot projects a hologram of a character, just like R2D2 does with Princess Leia. If I wanted to watch these other films, I would watch them, not have a cheap imitation.

Eli Roth knows how to shock and disgust, even if his directing style isn’t up there with other directors of his chosen genre. He did try a family film before with the mediocre The House with the Clock in its Walls, so having an attempt with a medium-budget sci-fi is a brave thing to do, but sadly, this fails, mainly because having the volume turned up and just having explosions and shoot-outs isn’t enough to keep the attention. He also fails with dubious effects and the apparent green screen behind the actors.

Where the film really fails is the casting. Even if it’s as impressive as this. Cate Blanchett. Kevin Hart. Jack Black. Jamie Lee Curtis. How can you go wrong? Well, you can. Cate Blanchett ultimately plays against type as the bounty hunter, Lilith, and you keep asking yourself why? Here is an Academy Award-winning star who delivers excellent performance after outstanding performance, yet she is almost sleepwalking. Nothing you can say is a significant character development or that you care about her. The same applies to Kevin Hart, who is a soldier. Hart is very funny. He knows how to deliver an excellent comic line. So why put him as a serious soldier who doesn’t even say one witty comeback. Wasted. Jamie Lee Curtis doesn’t help either as a professor who you never really get to grips with, and as for Jack Black, I never thought I’d hear the day when I would say I wish he would just shut up, as the voice of the most annoying robot this side of the one in The Black Hole.

Borderlands is a flashy yet empty film that won’t excite anyone who knows about the video game, for those who don’t know about the game won’t want to know. It’s a waste of time and effort from all, and I am sure it is one of the worst films of the year.

1 out of 5

Director: Eli Roth

Starring: Cate Blanchett, Kevin Hart, Edgar Ramirez, Jack Black, Jamie Lee Curtis, Ariana Greenblatt, Florian Munteanu, Janina Gavankar, Gina Gerson

Written by: Joe Crombie and (also story) Eli Roth

Running Time: 102 mins

Cert: 12A

Release date: 9th August 2024