Well there was plenty to cheer about in 2012 but equally plenty to boo. Once again this list is purely personal and I know some of the films I hated were well liked by many. For me, they should hide their heads in shame.
10. AMERICAN PIE: REUNION
This had plenty of promise but delivered nothing. Gags revamped from the previous American Pie films that were handled better, this had very few genuine laughs. In fact, I would say, from the screening I went to, none. No one was laughing, apart from the folks at Universal who were reaping in the benefits of people paying to see this. The trouble also is that among the gross-out humour of the original, it had a heart. This one, it’s heart has stopped beating and no one knows CPR!
9. MIRROR MIRROR
Did we really need two Snow White movies this year? Snow White and the Huntsman wasn’t terrible but just wasn’t sure who it was aimed at. This, on the other hand, was just awful. Trying to be like a live action animation with jokes for all the family, it just didn’t work on any level and Julia Roberts must have been wondering why she even bothered. Plus Lily Collins’ eyebrows were more watchable than anything in this mess.
A script by the Coens. Starring Colin Firth and Alan Rickman. What possibly could go wrong? Actually, everything. From the over-long and unfunny animated credits to the poorly timed gags to the old fashioned farcical moments, this was a non-starter from the beginning and the year’s most disappointing movie. The audience weren’t taken in either. It dropped a massive 81% of it’s audience share after one week. Now that’s terrible.
Now I know a lot of people rated this found footage horror but hear me out. The screening I saw had cameras everywhere to film the audiences reaction (for publicity purposes) and rigged up heart and heat monitors some of the couples in the front. What they didn’t say was that the heating was pushed up to full and everyone was sweating so they would have got a reaction. The worst act of desperation from a film company ever and that’s why it’s in my bottom ten (The beginning was fine but it lost its way…oh and I wasn’t scared once!)
Any film that managed to have the audience howl with laughter when it wasn’t suppose to be funny wins every time. This Transformer style mess even included a scene where they played Battleships. Next year, look out for Buck-a-roo The Movie!
5. THE WATCH
I saw this in the States in an empty cinema on its opening week! That’s how bad this was. Every possible joke about men’s genitalia was here while the flimsy alien invasion storyline was clichéd and somewhat pathetic. Only Richard Ayoade came out with any dignity and he looked embarrassed to be there too.
4. THE DEVIL INSIDE
Yet another found footage horror, this time in the form of an Exorcist-type shocker about a woman who hasn’t combed her hair with crosses cut into her body that is possessed by something and the Ghostbusters of the exorcism world taking the case on. The worst ending to a movie ever and then invites you to learn more by going to their web site. No thanks!
3. TIM AND ERIC’S BILLION DOLLAR MOVIE
This was just pathetic. Hard to believe that two grown men could have come up with this ridiculous and unfunny shambles of a film and that people put money into making it. What’s even sadder is that it’s becoming a favourite at the Prince Charles Cinema and not in a The Room good way either!
2. JACK AND JILL
Adam Sandler is one of the highest paid comedy actor in the world. Fact! He also makes the worst movies ever! Fact! If you thought he couldn’t make anything worse than Grown Ups, he managed to achieve it here, only this time, he’s playing his twin sister as well. Shouting does not make things any funnier. He also managed to rope in Al Pacino to star too. Al, it’s time to give back your Oscar. Laugh? I nearly forgot to start!
1. TAKEN 2
Easiest decision I have had this year was to put this stupid, cash-cow into the number 1 spot. I loved the first Taken and the fact it reinvented Liam Neeson, which was also a good thing. This time, however, you know it was made to make money and that is all. Total lack of appreciation for story, sense or the audience, it includes some of the worst scenes ever filmed (lobbing hand grenades in order to find out where you are! Having full length conversations on the phone to your daughter telling her where to hide in front of a kidnapper! Leaving a man who has killed hundreds of your family alone while you go watch football). I have never been so insulted by a movie before I saw this. What makes it even worse is that it made loads of money. Yes, the viewing public got conned big time!