The Bottom Ten of 2016 (So Far) – Half term report

And so we come to the turkeys this year, and there have been some true stinkers. Some film came at you with badly written all over them, while others were disappointing, as they had such high hopes. Either way, they made it into my list of the bottom ten this year so far. Wonder if they will be replaced?

Before we start, an honourary mention. There was one film that was so bad it was good. I couldn’t put it on the list because, even though it was absolutely the bottom of the barrel stuff, I really enjoyed it in a “laugh out loud, this is awful” kind of way. And so, a special mention goes to…

GODS OF EGYPT

With the worst CGI, awful dialogue and plot that made absolutely no sense whatsoever, this was a joy from start to finish, for all the wrong reasons. And, of course, anything with Gerard Butler is bound to be a stinker. I can’t wait to watch it with a baying audience reciting the worst lines.

Now…on with the real list.

10. BATMAN V SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE

Hyped to the hills, this was supposed to be DC’s answer to The Avengers. Yet it was witless, a contrived and complicated plot and characters you cared little about. Resulting in a massive crash, bang, wallop battle that seemed to go on for hours. Maybe the DVD version with extra scenes will answer some of the questions but I’m not holding my breath.

9. DAD’S ARMY

With a terrific cast of British acting talent, I was hoping for big things for this revamp of the classic TV comedy. Yet when the outtakes are funnier than the whole film, you know you’re in trouble. Creaky old jokes that fall flat, and a woeful plot, this is more a disappointment than really bad (hence why it’s at the bottom part of the list). Missed opportunity, anyone?

8. MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING 2

A very belated sequel to a hugely successful and delight comedy from back in 2002. This was basically the same jokes, only delivered with pauses for the laughter, which never came. Any film that makes you want to return to the original while you are still watching the sequel is never a good thing.

7. GRIMSBY

Sasha Baron Cohen is a funny man. We know that from Ali G, Borat and even Alice Through The Looking Glass. Grimsby, however, is not a funny film. And many other people thought the same as it came and went within two weeks of its release and didn’t even make a dent in the US box office. Even the usually brilliant Mark Strong couldn’t save this.

6. LONDON HAS FALLEN

You cannot beat a bit of flag-waving jingoism with a sprinkling of racism served up in an ill-conceived action movie with a Scottish star leading the way! This sequel to the awful Olympus Has Fallen is a new low for the Die Hard style terrorist movie, in which the baddies are recognizable by their big moustaches and Gerald Butler delivers another “what accent is that?” performance. Plus, the worst effects since Die Another Day.

5. ROCK THE KASBAH

Or Bill Murray is no longer funny! This should have been a breeze for Murray, as an aging, down-on-his-luck music manager who goes to Afghanistan and discovers a star. Yet the jokes just die before they are even delivered and Murray, whose usual deadpan charm can save even the ropiest of films, is nowhere to be seen. Crammed with stereotypes, cliches, and splatterings of racism, this died a death at the box office. Deservedly so.

4. TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES: OUT OF THE SHADOWS

A list of the worst wouldn;t be complete without a Michael Bay film and even though he didn’t direct this, it has his fingerprints all over it. A shambolic mess with its multicoloured lighting and quirky angled camerawork don’t make a piece of art. Unexciting action scenes, characters that annoy and Megan Fox made to dress up like a sexy schoolgirl. Yep, it’s a Michael Bay masterpiece!

3. ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS THE MOVIE

In a time when we really needed to laugh, there was hope on the horizon from Jennifer Saunders and her TV creation. Yet for 90 minutes we got jokes that seriously missed the mark and cameo appearances that were either unimaginative, unimpressive or just downright annoying. Only Joanna Lumley gave it any effort but otherwise this fell into the Holiday On The Buses trap.

2. MOTHER’S DAY

After New Year’s Day and Valentine’s Day comes an annoying, sickly and patronizing concoction of vomit-inducing sentimentality that was neither funny or moving. With its starry cast that deserves so much better, it trundles along feeling all glib with its characters living in million dollar mansions and yet filled with woes that quite frankly we couldn’t care less. Plus the added bonus of some racism and homophobia for good measure. Happy Mother’s Day!

1. DIRTY GRANDPA

Or the final nail in the coffin of Robert De Niro’s career. An ill-conceived, bad taste, nasty excuse for a comedy in which we get the pleasure of watching a naked De Niro pleasuring himself while he watches porn. (And that’s not the worst of it!) Not one joke did I find funny, instead mourning the demise of one of the screen’s greatest actors. Perverted and vile, it has left a bad taste in my mouth ever since seeing it.

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