So Christmas has come and gone but there’s still plenty of room for more turkey and here are my bottom ten for 2015, the ten films that made me scream, shout and generally want to vomit. Trust me when I say this, the number one film really did want me to vomit. Hold on to your hats…
10. Kill Your Friends
The British version of American Psycho set in the world of PR in the music industry. Nicholas Hoult plays the guy who will kill to get to the top. Such hateful, vile characters who you cared very little for and, frankly, didn’t care if they died of not.
9. Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2
The sequel that nobody wanted. Kevin James used all the same jokes but just moved his inept mall cop to Las Vegas. Incredibly infantile and not a moment of laughter throughout. Proof that James just isn’t funny and that Paul Blart just isn’t a character we want to see anymore.
Unintentionally funny action thriller with Milla Jovovich running around London being chased by top hit man Pierce Brosnan and the greatest moustache in screen history, as it just pops on and off whenever it feels like. Ludicrous, this could be a cult classic for those who like really bad movies to shout abuse at.
7. The Bad Education Movie
Proof once more that extending a mildly amusing comedy show that lasts 30 minutes to a full-length feature just doesn’t work. Then using the same old TV spin-off cliché of moving the action from the sit-com setting to the cast going on holiday throws up all kinds of nasty stereotypes and crass jokes. Holiday On The Buses, here we go again! Bad is absolutely right!
6. Fantastic Four
The reboot of the Marvel superheroes fell flat on its face when problems in production showed up on-screen. We got a very talented cast with no chemistry whatsoever in a film that was unbelievably boring. Time for 20th Century Fox to give the rights back to Marvel and let them do the right thing.
5. Hot Tub Time Machine 2
Proof that if you remove a vital element to an original film, the sequel becomes a mess. John Cusack decided against this vile follow-up and so what we have left is a series of homophobic, sexist and racist jokes that not only insults our intelligence but leaves you feeling dirty. Cusack brought heart to the first film. Now the heart has gone, it’s just bile!
A good idea ruined by having Adam Sandler in it. The earth comes under attack by 80’s computer game characters has Sandler and his gang playing low rate Ghostbusters. The effects are far more memorable than the terrible humour and unfunny script. Time to realise that Sandler is not funny. Funniest joke in the whole film? Kevin James as the President. Don’t know who would be worse, him or Donald Trump!
Johnny Depp finally hits an all-time low with this ramshackle, unfunny mess, in which he plays a snooty art expert who is a walking disaster. Gwyneth Paltrow and Paul Bettany are the best things about this horribly misguided film that plods along hoping to find a joke that works. To say it’s poor is an understatement.
2. Get Hard
I don’t think is one person in the world who won’t be offended by this incredibly tasteless comedy in which Will Ferrell plays a broker who is going to prison but has 30 days to sort his affairs out. He enlists Kevin Hart to teach him prison life because, and here’s the joke, he’s black and must have been in prison! Yes, it’s that awful. What makes it such a crime is that you can see a potentially strong comedy partnership here.
1. The Human Centipede III (Final Sequence)
A trilogy of tripe that is topped off by a vile, downright awful film that has a horrible central performance and just takes bad taste into a whole new realm. The only film I genuinely wanted to leave. Not because it was so sickening but because it was unbelievably awful.