I will admit it: I’m not a fan of Christmas movies. It’s always been an issue for me to find the balance between sentimentality and schmaltz. It’s a Wonderful Life is a giant in the genre, as is Die Hard, Elf and a small handful of others. The rest seem lazy, trite, or even apparent money-grabbers for those who cling to the time of goodwill. Red One falls into an unusual area: a schmaltzy tale, allegedly a comedy action film with fantasy thrown in. The issue I have with this is not like other holiday films. It’s the fact that it’s messy and contrived, and I have no idea who it is actually aimed at.

Santa Claus, codename Red One, has been kidnapped. Head of security, Callum Drift, who is leaving his job because he has lost faith in adults, must get him back before December 25th. The only connection to his whereabouts is a tracker called Jack O’Malley. Having been the reason for his disappearance, Jack is forced to help find Red One, but they discover a Christmas witch called Gryla.

Directed by Jumanji rebooter Jake Kasdan, this should have been an all-out hit. It has an intriguing plot idea and a cast that, on paper, should have been a winner. Sadly, nothing works in this film. With a budget of $250 million, you ask yourself, where did they spend the money? Certainly not on the script, which borrows from every Christmas movie around. As you are watching it, you start ticking off other films. Does the sleigh remind you of the one in Elf? Is this a little like Santa Claus The Movie? Have they used the same set from Thor?

This is supposed to be an action comedy. While the action scenes are well handled, the comedy is, with hardly any laughs, and what’s more, it takes itself far too seriously to even be considered a comedy. The alleged witty one-liners fall flat on their faces, while the chemistry between Drift and O’Malley seems nonexistent. We are left with disjointed scenes that don’t so much move the plot along but are there for another action sequence or a touching father/son moment (the schmaltz of the father who was never there for his son, which we have never seen before!)

Then, there is the question of this film’s target audience. It’s far too violent for younger audiences and is littered with foul language, which is hardly in the Christmas spirit. It is too silly for older audiences to enjoy as it’s about Father Christmas. There’s even an appearance of Krampus in one of the weirdest sequences in a movie this year, where there is a slapping contest. The whole thing is bundled up by having the villain, Gryla, wanting to encase the people on the naughty list into snow globes! Just how old do you have to be to enjoy this?

The cast looks great on the poster but fails to deliver on film. J.K.Simmons, as a bodybuilding Santa, just doesn’t look right for the par,t and while I am sure he’s enjoying the riches from the role, it’s not going to do his career any favours. Remember, he’s an Oscar winner. Lucy Lui is given nothing to do, and so wanders in occasionally to give orders. At the same time, Kiernan Shipka, who we will next see in Pamela Anderson’s comeback movie, The Last Showgirl, is reduced to sprouting lines that creak from the villain handbook.

It is reported that Dwayne Johnson was paid $50 million for his role as Drift, and, to be honest, this is a role that he seems to sleepwalking through. He is the muscle who never breaks into a smile but takes on the baddies single-handedly while looking scornful at his co-star, Chris Evans, who seems desperately looking for a role as solid as Captain America but failing at every turn. This could have been a match made in comedy heaven. Instead, it lacks any real connection, and they seem as distant from each other as two people could be.

Red One is a plodding mess that delivers nothing special at a time when we need entertaining. If you were to rank it against other Christmas films, it’s as low as Jingle All The Way and Christmas with the Kranks, which is pretty low.

1 out of 5

Director: Jake Kasdan

Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Chris Evans, Lucy Lui, J.K. Simmons, Bonnie Hunt, Kristofer Hivju, Kiernan Shipka, Mary Elizabeth Ellis, Wesley Kimmel, Nick Kroll

Written by: Chris Morgan and Hiram Garcia

Running Time: 123 mins

Cert: 12A

Release date: 6th November 2024