Morning!

It’s a glorious Saturday (I know, I’ve walked the dog already) but that doesn’t mean we can break the rules and go sunbathing in the park or, as one person did yesterday, do yoga and then complain as she was told to go home by the police. Please stay at home. This thing won’t go away unless we abide by the rules! But I am talking to those who respect the rules.

So if you’re not going to sit in the garden, then plenty of movies on TV today. So maybe enjoy half and half. You don’t want to get sunburnt!

Stay safe, stay inside and Happy Saturday!

AMAZON PRIME

ONCE (15)

Starring: Markéta Irglová, Alistair Foley

Drama, romance, musical

A modern-day musical about a busker and an immigrant and their eventful week in Dublin, as they write, rehearse and record songs that tell their love story. A really lovely romance with amazing songs. Strong language.

BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN (15)

Starring: Heath Ledger, Jake Gyllenhaal, Michelle Williams, Anne Hathaway

Drama, romance

The story of a forbidden and secretive relationship between two cowboys, and their lives over the years. Ang Lee’s brilliant, award-winning drama with two outstanding performances from Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal. Strong language, violence, nudity and sex.

NETFLIX

OUT OF AFRICA (PG)

Starring: Robert Redford, Meryl Streep

Biopic, drama, romance

In 20th-century colonial Kenya, a Danish baroness/plantation owner has a passionate love affair with a free-spirited big-game hunter. Sydney Pollack’s Oscar-winning drama with a beautiful score from John Barry. Mild language, violence and sexual references.

SIXTEEN CANDLES (12)

Starring: Molly Ringwald, Anthony Michael Hall

Comedy, romance

A girl’s “sweet” sixteenth birthday becomes anything but special, as she suffers from every embarrassment possible. John Hughes’ teen comedy about the difficulties of being sixteen. Strong language and moderate sex references.

NOW TV/SKY CINEMA

SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME (12)

Starring: Tom Holland, Zendaya, Jake Gyllenhaal, Samuel L. Jackson

Fantasy, Adventure, Action

Spider-Man must step up to take on new threats in a world that has changed forever. Great fun superhero movie with great special effects and Tom Holland is the perfect Peter Parker/Spider-Man. Moderate fantasy violence, threat, sex references, language.

TEAM AMERICA: WORLD POLICE (15)

Starring: Trey Parker, Matt Stone

Comedy

Popular Broadway actor Gary Johnston is recruited by the elite counter-terrorism organization Team America: World Police. As the world begins to crumble around him, he must battle with terrorists, celebrities, and falling in love. Hilarious adult puppet-based comedy from the team behind South Park. Strong language, violence and sex, all involving puppets.

DISNEY+

TRON (PG)

Starring: Jeff Bridges, Bruce Boxleitner, David Warner

Science Fiction, Fantasy, Adventure

A computer hacker is abducted into the digital world and forced to participate in gladiatorial games where his only chance of escape is with the help of a heroic security program. A game-changing sci-fi adventure that was the first computer-generated movie. Mild fantasy violence and infrequent mild language.

THOR: RAGNAROK (12)

Starring: Chris Hemsworth, Mark Ruffalo, Cate Blanchett, Tessa Thompson, Idris Elba, Tom Hiddleston

Fantasy, Action, Science Fiction, comedy

Imprisoned on the planet Sakaar, Thor must race against time to return to Asgard and stop Ragnarök, the destruction of his world, at the hands of the powerful and ruthless villain Hela. One of the best and funniest Marvel superhero movies. Moderate fantasy violence.

MOVIES ON TERRESTRIAL TV

GORGO (PG)

10.50am Talking Pictures TV

Starring:  Bill Travers, William Sylvester

Action, adventure, drama, fantasy, sci-fi, horror

Greedy sailors capture a giant lizard off the coast of Ireland and sell it to a London circus. Then its mother shows up. The British version of Godzilla. Loads of fun. Violence.

THE GREATEST STORY EVER TOLD (U)

12 noon BBC2

Starring: Max Von Sydow, Michael Anderson Jr., Carroll Baker

An all-star, large scale epic movie that chronicles the life and ministry of Jesus Christ. The late Max Von Sydow takes on the role of Jesus. Mild violence and horror

KUBO AND THE TWO STRINGS (PG)

12.35pm Film4

Starring: Art Parkinson, Charlize Theron, Ralph Fiennes

Animation, adventure, drama

Animated fantasy about a gifted boy who embarks on a magical quest, accompanied by a maternal monkey and a samurai beetle. Magical and amazing stop-motion animation. Mild fantasy violence, scary scenes.

BRIDGE TO TERABITHIA (PG)

12.45pm Sony Movies

Starring: Tyler Atfield, Josh Hutcherson, Erin Annis

Fantasy, drama, family

A preteen’s life turns upside down when he befriends the new girl in school, and they imagine a whole new fantasy world to escape reality. Incredibly moving family drama. Scary scenes and emotional distress.

CARRY ON SCREAMING! (PG)

1.15pm ITV3

Starring: Harry H. Corbett, Kenneth Williams, Jim Dale

Comedy, horror

The sinister Dr Watt has an evil scheme going. He’s kidnapping beautiful young women and turning them into mannequins to sell to local stores. One of the best Carry On movies. Innuendo, comic horror, scary scenes.

THE THING FROM ANOTHER WORLD (PG)

2pm Horror Channel

Starring: Kenneth Tobey, Margaret Sheridan

Sci-fi, horror

Scientists and American Air Force officials fend off a bloodthirsty alien organism while at a remote arctic outpost. Classic sci-fi that inspired John Carpenter’s 1982 The Thing. Scary scenes, mild horror and peril.

LOCAL HERO (PG)

2.45pm Film4

Starring: Burt Lancaster, Peter Riegert, Fulton Mackay

Comedy, drama

An American oil company sends a man to Scotland to buy up an entire village where they want to build a refinery. But things don’t go as expected. Gentle comedy from the director of Gregory’s Girl. Language.

HALF A SIXPENCE (U)

3.05pm BBC2

Starring: Tommy Steele, Julia Foster

Musical, romance, drama

Arthur Kipps, an orphan apprenticed to a tyrannical owner of a mercantile, has a sudden abrupt change of life when his wealthy grandfather dies and leaves him a pile of money. Delightful and energetic musical.

CARRY ON CLEO (PG)

3.10pm ITV3

Starring: Sidney James, Kenneth Williams, Kenneth Connor

Comedy

Two Britons, Hengist and Horsa, are captured and enslaved by invading Romans and taken to Rome. One of their first encounters in Rome leaves Hengist being mistaken for a fighter, and gets drafted into the Royal Guard to protect Caesar. Another cracking Carry On film. Mild innuendo and language.

CHITTY CHITTY BANG BANG (U)

4.40pm Channel 5

Starring: Dick Van Dyke, Sally Ann Howes, Lionel Jeffries

Musical, fantasy, adventure

A down-on-his-luck inventor turns a broken-down Grand Prix car into a fancy vehicle for his children, and then they go off on a magical fantasy adventure to save their grandfather in a far-off land. The first film I ever saw in the cinema. Very mild comic violence and scary scenes.

PADDINGTON (PG)

5pm Film4

Starring: Ben Whishaw, Julie Walters, Sally Hawkins, Hugh Bonneville, Peter Capaldi, Jim Broadbent, Nicole Kidman

Adventure, Drama, comedy

Family adventure about a talking bear from Peru who travels to London looking for a new home. One of the most joyful movies of the decade. We could all do with a bit of Paddington in our lives. Dangerous behaviour, mild threat, innuendo, infrequent mild bad language.

LIVE AND LET DIE (PG)

5.35pm ITV4

Starring: Roger Moore, Yaphet Kotto, Jane Seymour

Action, adventure, thriller

James Bond is sent to stop a diabolically brilliant heroin magnate armed with a complex organisation and a reliable psychic tarot card reader. Roger Moore’s first outing as Bond and one of his best. Violence and sexual references.

INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM (12)

6.25pm BBC1

Starring: Harrison Ford, Kate Capshaw, Amrish Puri

Fantasy, Adventure, Action

In 1935, Indiana Jones arrives in India, still part of the British Empire, and is asked to find a mystical stone. He then stumbles upon a secret cult committing enslavement and human sacrifices in the catacombs of an ancient palace. More adventure from Spielberg. Moderate violence and fantasy horror. May be edited for content.

EDDIE THE EAGLE (PG)

6.50pm Film4

Starring: Taron Egerton, Hugh Jackman

Drama, Comedy, Biopic

The story of Eddie Edwards, the notoriously tenacious British underdog ski jumper who charmed the world at the 1988 Winter Olympics. A feel-good delight. Mild sex references, mild bad language.

STAR TREK (12)

9pm Channel 4

Starring: Chris Pine, Jennifer Morrison, Simon Pegg, Eric Bana, Winona Ryder, Zachary Quinto, Zoe Saldana, Karl Urban

Science Fiction, Adventure, Action

The brash James T. Kirk tries to live up to his father’s legacy with Mr. Spock keeping him in check as a vengeful Romulan from the future creates black holes to destroy the Federation one planet at a time. Well made reboot of the popular TV show. Moderate violence and threat.

THE MAGIC CHRISTIAN (15)

9pm Talking Pictures TV

Starring: Peter Sellers, Ringo Starr, Richard Attenborough, Christopher Lee, Raquel Welch, Yul Brynner

Comedy

Sir Guy Grand (Peter Sellers), the richest man in the world, adopts a homeless boy, Youngman (Sir Ringo Starr). Together, they set out to prove that anyone, and anything, can be bought with money. Bizarre rarely seen comedy. Nudity.

THE RIVER WILD (12)

10.35pm ITV1

Starring: Meryl Streep, Kevin Bacon, David Strathairn

Thriller, Drama

Rafting expert Gail takes on a pair of armed killers while navigating a spectacularly violent river. Gripping thriller from the director of L.A. Confidential. Moderate violence, infrequent strong language.

CLOUDS OF SILS MARIA (15)

11pm BBC2

Starring: Juliette Binoche, Kristen Stewart, Chloë Grace Moretz

Drama

A film star comes face-to-face with an uncomfortable reflection of herself while starring in a revival of the play that launched her career. Strong drama with great performances. Very strong language.

SEXY BEAST (18)

11.10pm Film4

Starring: Ray Winstone, Ben Kingsley, Ian McShane, Amanda Redman

Crime, drama, thriller

Brutal gangster Don Logan recruits “retired” safecracker Gal for one last job, but it goes badly for both of them. Tough crime drama with a first-class performance from Ben Kingsley. Frequent coarse language, some strong sexual references and violence.

QUADROPHENIA (18)

12.55am Film4

Starring: Phil Daniels, Leslie Ash, Philip Davis, Mark Wingett, Sting, Ray Winstone

Music, Drama, Crime

Jimmy loathes his job and parents. He seeks solace with his mod clique, scooter riding and drugs, only to be disappointed. Based on the Who album, a tough, classic British film. Strong language, violence, drug use and sexual scenes.